Well well well. Another blog again. Another online space for me to bitch, oh, excuse me, rant about people and stuff. Another place for me to overspend my time instead of doing schoolwork. Another site for me to pour all my creative energy in terms of words.
I really miss writing. I really do. It's like my only escape. This is my real voice right here. It's not the one that's speaking to you in person or face-to-face. It's all right here.
For the past few months, or maybe even years, I've been feeling a little sad because I haven't had the time to write. And I'm thinking that maybe I've been having writer's block for a long while now, which totally sucks, by the way.
My course in college is all about art. Drawing, painting... that sort of stuff. So it kind of separates me from my first love which is literature. And I hate being that person who doesn't read books and doesn't write because whenever I do those, I feel like I'm at the top of my game. I feel knowledgable. And who doesn't want to be knowledgable? Nobody. Unless you're a freak of nature.
So enough about that because I now sound like a total nerd, which I'm absolutely not. And, no, I am not defensive at all.
So it's been 2009 for a while now. It's January 4 today. Do I feel like something's changed? Nah. It feels so old, so ordinary. But I'm liking it. As of now, nothing bad has happened to me and my family yet, so hooray for that.
Classes will resume tomorrow. Boohoo. But I'm excited to go back home on Wednesday. I already miss my siblings, especially my little sister who's been really nice, and at the same time bratty, during Christmas break. And also, I'm gonna continue working on my Design and Color 2 hullabaloo. It's sooooooooooo nauseating. I haven't the faintest idea why our prof ordered us to do that... that... thing. I don't know what to call it. It's supposed to be a structure of three 3D shapes constructed out of Bristol board and painted with poster paint. Sounds easy? Yes, if you're a freak. But, really, it takes like a whole freaking day to paint one 3D shape/form. ASDFGEYGFEJHHUIYUGJBJLYGJ.
'Kay. That's all.
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19 comments:
Well, Elaine that's life as an art student.
I believe the assignment is called as "The Introduction to the hell we will go through on our second semester in a subject known as D.C.2 este Despair and Corrosion 2" I can feel my ego decaying after each session. He makes me feel like I had wasted my entire first semester in idle or trivial tasks. He makes me feel pathetic and stupid. I don’t like that feeling. Hays...but maybe things would get better. Hopefully things would get better.
Gosh, I miss reading too, ever since I entered college I hardly have time to read pocket books anymore. Hay, I can feel my brain cells slowly eroding. I can’t even remember when was the last time I had a sensible and intelligent conversation with another human being.
I can’t wait for summer.
Wow, who are you? Haha.
Anyway, we both feel the same way towards this class. On the first meeting alone, he definitely made me feel more insecured about my abilities. I was so intimidated, but I think I can try to handle the pressure. Keyword being "try". :P
I just want my first year to end satisfactorily. :)
Thanks so much for your comment, whoever you are.
I'm still confused, though. I mean, none of my blockmates call me "Elaine". *cringes*
Elaine, Elaine, Elaine
For now my identity shall remain I secret...why? just cause.
For some reason I want to prove to him that his first impression of 1 ad- 1 was wrong. 1-ad-1 deserves the title of 1- ad 1, Sure when we started out we were not very good, but I can really see everyone in our class quickly improving. In fact the swiftness of their improvement is actually quite intimidating. Sometimes I feel like if I don't hurry, I going to get left behind. Everyone has gotten so good. We deserve a better evaluation.
Oh by the way, sorry for some or maybe many grammatical errors, like I said I can feel my brain cells eroding...I have not written much since i started college
-hmmm call me Orion
You intrigue me very much, Orion. Haha. I have a really good guess as to who you are.
Does your name start with a C and end with a T? =))
Sorry but no, I am not Cat, who am I? I will never tell. XoXo Orion
P.s. heres a quote for you, why? because I feel like it, this is from the poem "Moon Shadow" by Manining Miclat, " Perhaps, you want to stay in a warehouse of illusions, to be filled with artworks while you starve, and to be indifferent to your neighbor's aches. What you desire you may never posses. What you posses may be better than your desires-."
That was my childhood look of the life as an art student, no wrong, of the life of an artist. Hays, who knew I would grow up as a sell out artist. Whats your view of your status as an artist now?
-this boring and mundane life is driving me to insanity, I must have an intelligent conversation with someone soon, Elaine please don't disappoint.
-My identity forever a secret, Orion
"who am I? I will never tell. XoXo"
This pretty much exposed you... Cat. :P
My view of my status as an artist? I don't even think of myself as one. I guess if you count literature as an art (which it definitely is, but most people disregard it), then, yes, I am an artist. A frustrated one, in fact.
I think I'm more of an art appreciator. I only observe the art world and relish the beauty of such wonderful work. I'm trying very hard to enter that world, but the process is a long one it seems.
I also think that my obsession blinded me. I'm supposed to be a film student, for Pete's sake.
Do you know why I chose Advertising as my first choice in the USTET? It's not because I truly wanted it. I have a friend of mine who's really very very talented. One day, he asked me about which course he should choose, and I told him that Advertising is perfect for him. And, for some reason, I wanted to be like him, so I also chose the same course.
Moreover, my mom approved of my decision because she thought that the course was right for me. She specifically told me that my being good in English, my passion for film making (She pointed out that I can still direct commercials even if I didn't study Film) and my special liking to art made me a perfect candidate for this course.
But I think she was wrong on the last two parts. I wanted to make movies, not commercials. And I think that appreciating art is not enough in this industry. You have to be good at doing it, too. And I'm having trouble thinking if I should have gone the other direction. :|
And I stupidly forgot about the "Fine Arts" part in 'College of Fine Arts and Design'. :|
P.S.
That friend of mine never enrolled in UST because his parents wanted La Salle. And guess what he's studying right now? Chemical Engineering. Sayang. Tsk tsk. He could have been a great addition to our already awesome block. :)
Elaine,
Seriously I'm not cat, u must be blind to not be able to guess who I am,...seriously. But well, I like it better this way too.
I guess you and I are lucky you have supportive parents. I want to share a story to you.
I had a friend during high school with a mom that told her if she did not get into Ateneo, Lasalle or U.P. she should not even think about going to college. Luckily she got into all 3. Yet, her mother was still not satisfied. On our graduation day, I saw her crying her eyes out. She should have had no reason to cry. She was going to graduate with 3 awards; deportment award, service award and loyalty award. Her mother thought those awards were useless and refused to enter and watch her graduate. Some parents are just not understanding enough. Hay we are lucky.
Oh and by the way your wrong about one thing, in advertising we can also create movies. Actually anyone can make movies, even a person who graduated from commerce can make movies. But the problem is, are they good movies. The short clip you made for your ad prac presentation was pretty good. You have passion for what you do. That's what a true artist needs. That's what I sometimes lack...
even if a can woo my professors, I still can't woo myself.Your good at what you do and you love what you do. In your own right you are still indeed an artist.
-Orion, try asking cat about me. I dare you.
My second guess would be... Gama? :P
Anyway, that story you told me was really sad. :( I don't know what else that mother wanted, but it seems that her daughter did everything she was told and even achieved beyond those. I guess it goes to show that even if you're successful, you can never be truly happy with yourself when your own family ignores these achievements.
Thus, you're right. We ARE lucky to have supportive parents. I do know that some of my decisions leave them unimpressed, but I'm grateful that they still stand by my decisions, even if some end up going the badly. :)
Thanks for the compliment, by the way. I worked all night editing that one. I didn't even sleep. :( Honestly, I'm a little nervous about AdPrac. I mean, we got a really low grade and it's 20% of the overall grade. Some think that the report is our prelim exam, so me and my group mates are currently scared about that. :|
well, i don't know if it is the prelims or not either. Part of me hope it is. We would all die if he were to be given a written exam. Just imagine, we would have to memorize the entire code of ethics. Yet, another part of me is also very nervous about our own report.
Oh and please if you are one of the juries don't take it out on the reporters.
oh by the way, can you still seriously not figure out who I am? I have a few theories, one is that you will never even think I am Orion because you think I'm an idiot with a shallow vocabulary and an even lower I.Q. Hmm, well in a way it would appear so. I don't like acting profound, I learned that it scares people away. I don't act emo either because it worries the people who care about me and the people that I love. My fake weakness is actually my true advantage. - Orion
I'm sorry if I'm offending you in some way, but really, I HAVE NO CLUE WHO YOU ARE. (???)
I strongly believed you were Cat because I thought (and I still think) that she's the type of person who would write like that.
Then I thought of Gama for the same reason, too.
After her, I don't know anymore.
Well, obviously, you're online right now and you're in my Yahoo! Messenger list. And another thing. I think you're a girl.
So...
Cat - nope. (accdg. to you)
Gama - nope. (accdg. to you)
Yana - maybe.
Camille - not likely. She wasn't online the first time you posted a comment... I think.
Elka - same as Cams.
Isabel - same as Elka.
Klarisse - same as Isabel.
Nadine - nope. She didn't even know about this site until this morning.
Those are all the online female blockmates right now.
I STILL HAVE NO UTTER CLUE.
bastos ka.
@nadine: ANONG BASTOS?!?!??!!
You must be someone who consider males to be the weaker sex. Have you not stop to consider the fact that I may be a male. Your guesses are all wrong.
I want to tell you why my alias is Orion. Even if it has absolutely no connection what so ever to my identity. I just want to share this piece of wisdom.
Have you ever watched the movie M.I.B.1? I'm sure you have. But I am also sure you did not notice the character there named Orion.
Well, Orion was a cat, around Orion's neck lies a tiny universe.
If you think about it, that tiny little universe could have contained our little planet. The world around us is so big. It make our lives seem so trivial. Just like Orion we are just trivial characters to some other persons life story. That's a sad truth.
So then, if our lives our so trivial, why do you think we still go on living? Well, the reason is just like Orion, just maybe... without our prior knowledge we are actually carrying something precious. Yet, the value of that something is still hiding and waiting, waiting for the right moment to show the world its true value. Thats why we live. For that moment we continue living. That is why I am Orion. -Orion
First of all, I'd like to say that I treat both sexes equally, though I tend to lean more to females. I know it's a contradiction, but that's that. In this situation, however, I based my guesses on these:
a. My first and only instinct told me that you were most likely female. Seriously, while I was reading your first comment, I could hear a female voice in my head.
b. You remind of my older female friends.
c. In our block, I know that only Cat bothers to write stuff like that (Check out her Multiply blog). That's what I know for NOW. So I based my guess on that.
I think they're all pretty much reasonable, yet a little lame. I really racked my head trying to guess who you are, but now, I think I know. And I am at least 85.5% sure.
I have watched the MIB movies, but I can barely remember what their plots were. But thanks for sharing that story. It was better than anything I've read in a while. It was very well put, simply. If you had a blog, I would have automatically bookmarked it. In fact, why don't you start one? I know many people who would want to read what you have to say.
I'm sorry Elaine but I don't think you will ever guess who I am.
You based your judgments on who you see online. But have you forgotten that yahoo messenger has a function to make one invisible. Alas if only that function were to be also available in real life...
Start a blog you say...most of the time I wish to remain unnoticed. A blog screams: "Notice me!". It's like putting yourself on a pedestal. I guess you can say I'm a coward. I'm afraid of the consequences of the things I will say about people I do not like. I guess, in a way I don't really believe in the freedom of speech. For me the truth is there is no such thing as freedom of speech. The only time when you can speak your mind is when you hide behind aliases or the person you speech about is under an alias.
That's not freedom. Thats cowardliness.
The only way there can really be freedom of speech is when all people of the world are born with high egos. When people are no longer affected by what others say about them. But heck that will be one terrible and stubborn world, a world which do not believe in changing for the better.
I believe this may be the first time I have actually bothered to really read someone's blog and leave a comment on someones blog.
Why? you wonder, why would someone who do not believe in blogs bother to leave a comment, hide his or her identity, and do other such juvenile things. The answer is quite simple. I am bored. So, please entertain me. Oh and yes,
I am a coward. -Orion
But one thing's for sure, and I'm speaking from personal experience... It does feel good to let it all out. I may not state the real names of the people I blog/rant about, but once I post, I feel relieved. You see, I'm not a talker, I'm a writer. I write to express my feelings, and blogging has been such a great tool for me. Sometimes, my posts aren't that great. Some are silly. Others are just utter crap. But I think it separates my sanity AND insanity. I wrote seriously on our school paper in high school and the other unnecessary stuff I just put in a blog. And about the "caring for what other people think" statement? Well, I don't know about others, but I write for myself. I guess it's like my very own therapy session. I don't care what other people think. If I want to put out something that's interesting to me, I put it out for my own benefit and entertainment. It also has something to do with control. Owning a site is great because I can do whatever I want with it.
Anyway, unlike you, I still believe in freedom of speech. Without it, women all over the world would still be treated like Stepford wives and African-Americans would still be discriminated terribly (I know that some are still suffering from that until now, but look at how much the world has changed when Martin Luther King, Jr. gave that awe-inspiring speech).
I think that you think the way you do because you've given up on hope. I can sense that you're somewhat on the cynical side and you don't believe in some things in life that are worth living for like freedom. But then again, you previously stated that,
"Without our prior knowledge we are actually carrying something precious."
Yes. I think that sentence applies here now. You think that you have no freedom of speech, but in fact, you do. We all do. I'm sorry if you think what I'm saying is a total cliche, but sometimes, it is true.
I will now stop guessing who you are. I'm tired of coming up with random theories. I'm better off doing my plates, anyway. Thank you for giving me something to work my mind up a bit.
Yes, thank you as well Elaine, you have postponed my insanity for a while as well. I guess it does feel a bit better to be able to let somethings out. Maybe just maybe someday I will be brave enough to let the world know how I really am. Maybe, someday I will also be brave enough to also believe the little inspiring things I say to others and see the plum on my own back. Thank you and have a good life.
I know I've said that I won't guess anymore, but tell me this. Are you Annie?
whahahahahhah Ela, I thought you said you won't guess anymore. I'm sorry if the 2nd to the last comment made your angry. Yet, I guess in a way I wanted you to be angry or at least a little annoyed, annoyed enough not to reply to it anymore, so that I don't have to reply to it anymore, so that I can go back to my plates whahahahah and besides I missed writing but I don't miss it that much whahahah last comment na toh forever kakatamadz na toh. Do not reply na ah love you ela, u have truly evolved into elaine na, cge return to your pokeball na whahahahha
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